And I would pray to God that if He was real He would show me.
Although I had been brought up in a Christian home and was very familiar with my Bible, I wanted more proof that God exists. I knew I ought to believe that God had created all I could see from that bedroom window. But I wanted to know it in my heart. I wanted to feel that God was real. If God existed, he seemed so far off, so unreachable.
Do you have these thoughts? You wonder if God is real?
Maybe you haven't been brought up to believe in God, but you have a vague feeling or unrest within you - is there 'somebody' out there? A 'divine being' bigger and greater than yourself?
Well, these words at the top of the page, 'the living God' were spoken by a young man, David, many years ago.
I was reminded of David in a recent sermon, and as I was re-reading the account in my Bible the following day I particularly noticed these words, 'the living God'.
David was a shepherd but had been instructed by his father to leave the sheep, take food and go and see how his 3 older brothers were, who had joined up to fight against invading Philistines.
When David arrived in the battle zone and ran through the army camp looking for his brothers he heard the terror of the soldiers as they fled from the Philistine champion, a great giant, who was challenging the soldiers to a one to one fight.
But rather than expressing fear, David, openly said to all around him, "...who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?"
David, went on to kill the Philistine, and the battle was won, but how did he have such confidence that God is real?
Firstly, when David had been anointed to be the future King of Israel several years earlier, we read that the 'Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward' (1 Samuel 16:13).
David had encountered God through the presence of God's Spirit living within him.
It was the Holy Spirit which was teaching David about God, giving him that knowledge that God is real, showing David what he was as a human in God's sight, and revealing to him God's greatness.
It was the Holy Spirit which would have been making David want to pray and talk with God, to live in a God-honouring way, to worship, praise, obey and serve God.
The Holy Spirit would have given David the peace and love of God in his heart, giving him a love and trust in God in return. This Holy Spirit anointing made David spiritually alive.
Secondly, as was mentioned in the sermon I recently heard, David had personally known that God was real in the amazing way He had helped him to kill a lion and a bear when they came after his sheep.
Listen to what David said about killing these animals, 'I went out after him, (the bear/lion) and smote (struck) him...' until he could get the lamb out of its mouth and then 'when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard, and smote him, and slew him'! (1 Samuel 17:35,36).
This was in the times of using a pebble and a sling, a sword, a dagger, or a bow and arrow, or your bare hands! David would have been grappling face to face in terrifying danger. But David ascribed his success to God. He trusted that God had helped him and that he hadn't done it purely through his own ability.
David knew for sure that God exists from the living proof or effect of His Holy Spirit living within him and from his remarkable answers to prayer for help in times of danger.
Sometimes people have asked God to prove His existence by signs, but God doesn't always grant their request. Is this because they ask from a place of unbelief and they ask like the devil taunted Jesus, 'IF' thou art the Son of God do such and such - prove yourself?
God doesn't have to prove He exists to us. He has given us the Scriptures which tell us all about Him, and He has surrounded us with the miracles of nature, not least our amazing bodies.
But we do have Biblical examples when God was gracious to requests for signs that He would really do things. I think of Gideon in particular. But then others such as John the Baptist's father were given a sign in rebuke because they didn't believe - (he became dumb until his baby was born).
Another man in the Bible, Jacob, would have been brought up to believe that God exists from his father's teachings and life. But it would seem that he didn't feel he knew God personally as a real existence until there were dramatic changes in his life and he felt his need of God to help him.
Perhaps you can relate to Jacob in your life today and what you are experiencing - Jacob had to set out on a new path, take a new direction in life, he perhaps felt alone and uncertain of what the future would bring. He knew where he was heading, but didn't know what he would find when he got there.
Would he be able to find work? Would he have the finances for food and clothing?
And what about his feelings about those he had left behind? Perhaps you, like him, have had to leave those you love because of circumstances which have forced you to go. Was your life - like Jacob - endangered because of hatred from your own family? His own twin brother was planning to kill him. He had to leave elderly parents, perhaps wondering if he would ever see them again.
But then one night as Jacob made camp and settled his head on a stone for a pillow God made himself a living reality to Jacob through a vivid dream (Genesis 28).
We don't all have dreams, visions or hear voices, but if you are wondering if God is real, ask Him to show you.
Jacob, didn't know God was going to speak to him in a dream that night, and we don't know when God will chose the time to speak to us or bless us - He is God and He knows the perfect time.
But if you are mulling over this question of whether God is real, and if you have a deep longing to know that He is, humbly ask God to show you personally and help you believe. Get yourself a Bible and start reading it. Ask God to speak to you through it and to bless you with the presence of His Holy Spirit within you, that you too might be able to say and know He is 'the living God'.
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