Love is blind and carrying on in the face of grief. Final lessons from David and the sons of Zeruiah. Part 7.

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 'And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me; the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness'
2 Samuel 3:39


This month brings us to our final study of the difficult relationship between King David of Ancient Israel and his warrior nephews. 

We have perhaps reached the most challenging time of King David's life so far, a time when not only is his life in danger but his heart's emotions are deeply and personally involved. 

His life had been in danger many times before - when he faced the lion and bear as a shepherd boy, when he faced the giant Goliath armed with his sling and his pebbles, when he was being relentlessly pursued by his jealous and murderous father-in-law, as well as fighting in many, many battles,  but then he had the energy of youth, faith in his God and God's promises of being king to support him. 

Now David is experiencing the bitter consequences of his own earlier sin as he sees his family torn apart by division and bloodshed and is bearing the deep hurt of murderous betrayal from his very own son.  Although forgiven by God, how wearing and wearying such heartache would be, even to one well used to calling on God for his strength and help.

Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash

On this occasion we see yet again David's nephew Joab taking the opposite action to David's command - an action with deadly consequences, which ultimately led to Joab's own downfall and death - but at the time David submitted to Joab.

Let us first of all take a look at the events of this time and then we will consider the following questions:
  • Was Joab right to disobey David or was love blinding David's judgement?
  • What lessons can we take from David's situation for you and and for me today?
(You can read about this in your Bible, 2 Samuel 18 & 19).

What was happening?

We left David enduring curses, taunts and assaults as he, his loyal warriors and many people from the capital city fled towards the wilderness as his own son, Absalom, was staging a coup.  We find David now in the city of Mahanaim where loyal supporters have provided beds, food and drink to refresh them.

Meanwhile Absalom and his men had arrived at Jerusalem, Absalom taking over his father's house and asserting his claim to the throne.


The time has now come for the two sides to meet in battle and fight out who will be king - David or his son Absalom.

We can picture the scene:

Hundreds and thousands of people are streaming out of the city gates of Mahanaim as David stands by watching.
 
Keenly aware of the thousands of his own people who had deserted to his son, he was yet again lifting his heart up to the LORD and trusting that He would help him (Psalm 3). 

In previous nights he had been audibly wrestling with God in prayer.  Although many had - like the cursing Shimei - taunted that there was no help for him from God now, David knew that God was his protector, his shield from trouble and the One who saved him.

Strengthened by the sleep God had given him he now continues to encourage himself in faith that he will, 'not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about' (Psalm 3:5-7), his prayer silently continuing to go up to God to save him.

After counting heads David has ordered that the people should be organised under captains over hundreds and captains over thousands.  These were then divided into three groups under the chief command of his nephews Joab, Abishai and a faithful warrior, Ittai.

David had been preparing to take his place amongst them but has been persuaded to stay behind, being too valuable a target to the opposing forces.

The people having assembled perhaps a hush came over them all as the chinking and rattle of armoury and weapons were held still and silent, for David's final words to his chief commanders were heard by them all:
"Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom."
***
Did David's words reveal his inner trust that God would win this battle for him and save his throne - a confidence that his warriors would capture Absalom? 

We can only read between the lines, but it was no doubt with his heart in suspense at the outcome that David took his place between the city gates, a watchman posted on the wall above the roof of the gates, his eyes scanning the fields and wooded landscape before him for the first sign of news.

And when the news came, it was via runners, sent by Joab: the first who fell at David's feet with news that David was safe, the traitors had been delivered by God into their hands.
"Is the young man Absalom safe?" 
David immediately asks, but the runner cannot tell him and is ordered to stand to one side as a second runner is arriving.

Again, David is greeted with news that he has been vindicated by God of his enemies, but David can only ask again,
"Is the young man Absalom safe?"
"The enemies of my lord the king, and all that rise against thee to do thee hurt, be as that young man is" .
***
As the successful soldiers returned to the city, there was no jubilation or congratulations on their victory.  As they approached the city gate David's grief, his loud crying and anguished words could be heard by many from the room above the gate to which he had immediately withdrawn, 
"O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God that I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!" 
Gone was any sense of success, instead the soldiers crept by as if ashamed.

But David's mourning was brought to a dramatic end with the entrance of Joab who having heard of David's reaction, came and found him and accused him of having shamed all those who had that day saved his life. 

His grief, Joab said, was indicating that David had no regard for all those who had fought for him - but rather that he would have been pleased if they had all died and Absalom lived!  

Furthermore, Joab warned him, if David didn't go and speak with kindness and understanding ('comfortably')  to his people, Joab was convinced that by night time they would have all deserted him and David would find himself in the worst situation of his life.
*****
David does go and speak to his people and regains their loyalty and eventually those who had deserted him for Absalom, and David is reinstated on his throne, but let us return to our questions:
  • Why had Absalom been killed after David's orders and was Joab right to disobey him - was love blinding David's judgement?

That it was Joab who had killed Absalom we are clearly told.  The battle being fought in thick woodland, Absalom's much admired long thick hair had got caught in the branches of an oak tree.  The mule which he had been riding on escaped leaving Absalom hanging and helpless in the tree.

The soldier who saw this happen refrained from harming Absalom because of David's command, but when he tells Joab he dismissed the soldier's reason as irrelevant, quickly took 3 darts and threw them through the living Absalom's heart whilst his armour bearers struck and completed the killing.

David clearly adored his son Absalom, even though he had killed his own step-brother and was now usurping David's position as king.  We are told that Absalom was very handsome but his actions also showed him deceitful and manipulative.  It would seem that David's love for him either blinded him to Absalom's faults or hindered him from keeping the tabs on him that were needed.  

Such was his love for his son that even when Absalom was threatening his father's very life, David didn't want him hurt or treated too harshly - deal 'gently' with him he requested. 

And here we see the contrast between David and the sons of Zeruiah. 

Gentleness and harshness. 

David could be hasty and quick to order murder as we see when he was defied by a rich, churlish drunk before David ascended the throne, but the sons of Zeruiah seemed to be habitually quick to kill, and motivated by revenge. 

My Study Bible asks, was Joab taking revenge on Absalom because not long before Absalom had set Joab's crops on fire?  Or, was Joab not showing any mercy because he wasn't giving Absalom another chance to work his deceptions?

These sons of Zeruiah were motivated by the utmost loyalty to David and his position as king, as God's anointed.  They totally respected that God had placed him on the throne - and even pointed out to David on occasion when he wasn't living up to what was expected of him, or when he was wanting to take unwise action in counting how many people were in his nation.

If Absalom had stayed alive, or been 'dealt with gently' undoubtedly the security of David's throne would have remained shaky, with Absalom likely to try another takeover or cause further trouble.  And let us not forget the seriousness of what Absalom was trying to do - in effect desiring his father's murder.

As well as his commendable loyalty Joab can next be commended for preventing further bloodshed by preventing those loyal to David from chasing after those who had been supporting Absalom - there having been more than 20,000 already killed not only by David's soldiers but by the treacherous nature of the woodland in which they were fighting.

Joab then shows some sensitivity to the graveness of what has happened in his reluctance to allow the first eager young runner to come to David.  He said, "Thou shalt not bear tidings this day, but thou shalt bear tidings another day: but this day thou shalt bear no tidings, because the king's son is dead".

David's love for his son was blinding him to the judgement that Absalom needed.  Although he realised Absalom should be punished he urged the soldiers to be gentle with him.  He loved him so much he couldn't bear for him to be treated harshly or hurt.  Joab in contrast only saw Absalom as a deadly threat and traitor and dealt with him as any other enemy to the throne would have been - by death - even though it defied David's orders.

But despite Joab and his brothers' loyalty and support to David motivating some of their actions, their harshness was too much for him, hence his exclamations on several occasions, 'these men the sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me or 'what have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah...'.

David didn't feel able to deal with his nephews - their strong characters and loyalty were too much for him, but he believed that 'the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness'. 

And we see how this happens - although David's subsequent attempts to remove Joab from being the chief commander of his army ends by Joab killing the replacement and reinstating himself - when dying David instructed his successor, Solomon, to not let Joab die peacefully in old age because of what he 'did to me' and various other murders he committed (1 Kings 2:5).

Thus God permits Joab's harsh and murderous actions to be rewarded by death at the hands of King Solomon's men.
Photo by Kenny Orr on Unsplash

  • What lessons can we take from David's situation for you and and for me today?
When we began this series of studies our focus was to learn with God's help how David's challenging relationship with his nephews might give us insights into our own challenging situations and people who are too hard for us.

1. Carrying on in the face of grief

On this occasion we see David in the depths of distress accepting the abrupt but wise reproof from the man who had just killed his son in complete rejection of David's instructions to save David's life - twice. 

Firstly from his son and secondly from the crestfallen Israelites who may have taken matters into their own hands and rejected the apparently ungrateful David.

What a situation!

Can we relate to this?  

When we lose somebody we love in death, especially when it is sudden, it can feel as if time stands still.  We can feel so overcome with our grief that we are totally consumed by it.  Nothing else matters, nothing else can take our attention.  When we go back out into society following the time of hearing of or seeing our loss it can feel so strange that the rest of the world is carrying on as if nothing terrible has happened.  

You walk along the pavement and the neighbour drives by in their car waving to you.  You queue in line at the supermarket and load up your shopping - you get given the bill and pay, collect up your shopping bags and the cashier moves on to the next customer.   Everything seems so normal and yet you have a gaping hole in your heart.

Can't they see what you have just gone through?  Don't they know what you have just lost?    But no, the world carries on, and you have to gradually move on too.


But David wasn't given any time to adjust.  Joab forced him to 'snap out' of his grief and immediately address the arising situation of disgruntled soldiers who might totally desert and reject him.  David had to submit to the judgement of Joab, who had taken the most painful action to protect David.  

How bitter this must have been for David.  How traumatised he must have felt - perhaps he hardly knew how to walk out of that gatehouse room, his steps weak and trembling from shock, perhaps only just able to grasp what Joab was saying, but realising he needed to somehow swallow down his grief. 

Is there any situation in your life where you are being forced by the person who has caused your pain to carry on as if nothing terrible has just happened? 

Perhaps they tell you they caused your pain for your own benefit, because you were too weak to do it yourself.  But the consequence has been dreadful - a course of action which has caused you completely irreversible pain.  

What can you do?  Your heart is breaking, how can you carry on?

In these situations we often carry on because we have to.  We just do the next routine thing which is due, we follow our normal pattern of life as best we can - but numbly, distractedly, suppressing our grief until we next have privacy and can allow ourselves to feel it, the tears to flow and the heartache to be expressed.  

2. Taking our troubles to God

When David was in trouble as we have seen in the very Psalm we have referred to, he took his troubles to God.  He knew that despite all that was going on around him God would not forsake him.  God was his Rock and his Refuge which could never be shaken by the events of this life.

Yes, David tried to punish Joab by replacing him as head of his army - until Joab killed the replacement - and yes David's dying words to Solomon were to finally punish Joab forever - and there may be steps you can or need to take with your challenging people and situations after prayerfully asking God for guidance and seeking to live after Jesus' example - but ultimately, we look to God to help us in these situations.  

We recognise that God is all knowing and all Sovereign over the events of our lives. We run to Him for refuge from the hard things in our lives as One that knows how to comfort us, either through His word or through others He may send to us.

If we have had hard things said to us, cruel action taken against us - which we are told was necessary for our own good - who better to go to than our Lord.

Let us kneel before Him and ask Him to show us His thoughts on the matter.  

Let us sit quietly and listen for Him to speak to us with His still small voice to open our understanding. 

Perhaps a sin may be revealed - that needs confessing (had we been in a wrong path, idolising something or somebody, neglectful of our duties?); perhaps a realisation  - which brings comprehension and lifts the heaviness of our sorrow, of how the action taken was in love to us; or perhaps we will hear nothing, but in the stillness we lift our hearts up to Him and ask Him to work all things together for our good, to go before us in these things which are too hard for us to sort out, to make the crooked things straight, the rough places plain and the mountains to flow down at His presence.  

And day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute we go on pleading His promises to help us, to strengthen us and never leave us.

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash

In conclusion

Although in this last study we didn't read of God speaking to David or guiding him, we saw God answer prayer for David's life and throne although it wasn't in the way David would have chosen.  

We saw how those that are loyal to us in our lives may actually be a thorn in our side - people we feel we cannot do without, yet people who sometimes hurt us - perhaps people driven by good intentions, but yet who are too hard for us to deal with.  And yet perhaps friends and family members who God may use to bring us to Him with our needs for help and comfort, and whom God may use to teach us our needs to forgive them as He forgives us.

So as we close these studies on David and his warrior nephews, the overriding theme that seems to have developed is one of taking these hard things and hard people to the Lord in prayer, looking to Him to take care of these matters and guide us, depending on Him for His overruling Sovereignty and control. 


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