Is somebody disrespecting you? Lessons from David and the sons of Zeruiah.

 'And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me; the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness'
2 Samuel 3:39

Last month we started a study of the interactions between King David of Israel and his brave and loyal warrior nephews, the sons of Zeruiah, David's sister.  This study was prompted by the words in the above verse, 'these sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me'.

We all have people in our lives who are too hard for us to deal with, and although a king, David was no exception. With God's help we are aiming to look at the Biblical accounts of David interacting with his nephews to understand how they were too hard for him and what we too can learn from this.

  • Our first lesson was about temptation. 

We learnt how Abishai the eldest of these nephews repeated a temptation to David to quickly murder his predecessor, King Saul, to bring about God's promise to David that he would be the next king of Israel.

Photo by Wei Pan on Unsplash

We reflected how we too in our lives may be tempted to take matters into our own hands to bring change or obtain God's promises to us, but if these are not God honouring we need to be wary  - even if our close family and friends are encouraging us to do it -  and turn to God's word for His wisdom and guidance.

We likewise considered how we need to be conscious that we too do not become like Abishai and perhaps unintentionally encourage our loved ones to take matters into their own hands instead of waiting for God to perform His promises at His appointed time.

  • Our second lesson is dealing with disrespect 

This lesson is taken from the time when David actually spoke the verse which we have highlighted,

"And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me: the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness".

David has now been king of Judah for almost seven years.  

During this time there had been war between David and the rest of Israel who had remained loyal to the now dead King Saul, his son Ishbosheth becoming king of Israel for a couple of years towards the end of David's first seven years.

Asahel, the youngest of the sons of Zeruiah has died as a result of his brave determination, which seemed unwise given his opponent, but it seems to have left his older brothers smouldering with revenge and anger.  

Photo by Jenny Hill on Unsplash

This occurred in the following way:

There had been a fierce battle between David's men and the Israelites who were now fleeing the scene.  

Asahel, focusing on nobody except the head of the Israelite army, Abner, was in hot pursuit.  Being particularly fast at running he was able to keep up with the fleeing Abner, perhaps thinking that if he could kill him he would bring about the surrender of the Israelites to David.

Abner being an experienced older warrior warned Asahel that if he didn't stop following him he would kill him, but Asahel wouldn't be put off.  One of David's most mighty warriors he persisted refusing to listen to Abner's warnings.

Abner then thrust the back end of his spear through Asahel, which killed him. 

(Was using the back of his spear indicative of Abner's reluctance to kill him  - just an act of self-defence or was it a subtle tactic of warfare which Asahel would not have expected?  We are not told, but Abner had said he would kill him.)  

 As night soon came on a truce was called to spare further bloodshed, but with Asahel's older brother Joab blaming the whole battle on Abner.

Some years later we then read of Abner, who has reached a very strong position in the house of Saul, coming to David to transfer his allegiance to him as king and promises to bring about the support of all Israel.

David welcomes Abner's activities and support and makes him a feast before peacefully sending him away on his mission.

However, when Joab returns from fighting battles and hears this news he marches into David demanding to know what he has done, accusing David of being deceived by Abner's ploys to spy out what was going on. 

Joab then leaves David and without David's knowledge sends messages after Abner to get him to return to Hebron - a city of refuge, where the law was that a man who had killed another man accidently or without premeditating it was protected from the revenge of his family.  A city, where if Abner had intended to only wound Asahel he should have been safe from revenge.

On Abner's return to the city Joab then took him to one side in the city gate as if to speak to him privately, but stabbed him in the chest.  

He killed him in revenge for his brother, Asahel's death.

When David hears of Joab's actions he distances himself from him.  He orders a period of mourning, himself following the coffin, weeping at Abner's grave and refusing to eat that day.  All of Israel understood that Abner's death was not of David's doing, David speaking of Abner as a prince and a great man.

And his words to Joab?  

He condemned him as guilty and declared Joab's family would bare this with continual consequences seen in their health and welfare, but after Abner's funeral David says,

"And I am this day weak, though anointed king; and these men the sons of Zeruiah be too hard for me; the LORD shall reward the doer of evil according to his wickedness".

Photo by Rhodi Lopez on Unsplash

So, having spent some time looking at the events of this story what can we take from it?

We have here, David, a king - in a position of the utmost authority - and yet his hands appeared tied by the closeness of his relationship with the sons of Zeruiah, whose loyal support had helped him secure his throne.  

David no doubt felt beholden to them, recognising their warrior attributes, but at the same time he was faced with Joab's lack of respect for his judgement in believing Abner.  We see Joab taking matters into his own hands - as we saw Abishai urging David to in our first lesson.  

We are unlikely to be kings in positions of such authority as David, but are we too being disrespected by those in our families, or by those with whom we are in a position of authority?  Are our values, our beliefs, our desires, our judgements being disregarded - trampled on and ignored?

This can be hurtful. Such people can be too hard for us to deal with and perhaps we don't want to be associated with the consequences of their actions.  We may feel ashamed of them and our connection to them.

David was able to distance himself from Joab's actions - show that he was not aligned with him.  Perhaps we are able to also do this in some measure, but perhaps our hands are also tied.  But like David, who called on God to reward them according to their wickedness we too can set our hard relationships before the Lord, ask for His guidance and for Him to deal with the situation.

Moses, an Old Testament leader once said to the people of Israel, 'and the cause that is too hard for you, bring it unto me, and I will hear it' (Deuteronomy 1:17) Moses was one who spoke to God face to face as a man speaks with his friend.  He received much wise counsel and instruction from His God and took his problems to Him.  Hard decisions and problems that he could not deal with, he then asked God for help with.

How much more can we go to our God, who is The 'Counsellor' (Isaiah 9:6).  He has said, "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?'' (Jeremiah 32:27)

We may not know how to deal with certain people, we may feel hurt by their lack of respect, but God knows all about it.  He knows how they are treating you, and He knows the best action for you to take - if any.  Perhaps He will take matters out of your hands and deal with them in a totally unexpected way for your good.

Perhaps He will leave you in this situation for some time so that you may grow in patience and go to Him more often in prayer - so that you might become more close to Him in your need and dependence on Him for your help.  Perhaps it is to show you how weak you are and how strong and comforting He is.

Perhaps dear friend, it is to teach us more about forgiveness.  

How often do we show disrespect to God and His ways every single time we do what we want?  Have we confessed our sins and need of a Saviour to the Lord Jesus?  Have we with a fully repentant heart received His forgiveness?

Is this hard person to teach us to forgive as we have been forgiven?  We may not receive an apology, the circumstances may not change, but if we do not seek God's help to forgive we can easily become embittered, full of self-pity or resentful.

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

On glancing at the Bible hub commentaries for this verse some suggest that David was weak in not dealing with Joab at this time - that he should have punished him and trusted God more that He would bring him through the results of such actions.

We too can look at our own situations and think, should this person be reported in the workplace, should they be disciplined by the church, should they be brought before the family, should their disrespect be 'nipped in the bud' so to speak? 

Are we being 'weak' and not trusting God enough by not doing this? Do we fear and dread the results of 'dealing' with this hard person(s).  Do we fear it will make matters worse?  

Dear friend, it is very easy for us to judge what David should have done in hindsight, and it is very easy for us to look at other people in our lives and say what they ought to do, but when we are the one in the situation it can feel too hard for us to deal with.

Let us pray for strength of character and determination to continue to do what is right in God's eyes - seeking guidance from His word and in prayer - and when we are disrespected, our wishes ignored, may we take it to God and ask Him to help us forgive, as we have been forgiven, and then quietly and lovingly take steps as appropriate to deal with it as He guides us. 

He is not too fearful of the consequences, He is not weak, He is not unsure of what to do, He does not find the situation/person too hard, and when we ask Him He will give us what we need when we need it and He will show us what to do at His appointed time, or He will manage it all without us having to do anything but pray and commit it all into His loving hands.

May God help you with those people who are too hard for you, dear friend - they are not too hard for Him.

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