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Has anybody ever got the better of you?
Perhaps a friend or family member having fun tricks you?
But what about if it is more malicious or underhand - it doesn't make you feel great does it? In fact sometimes it makes you feel stupid, annoyed or even revengeful.
Let us take a look at an occasion in the life of Biblical King David of ancient Israel when he was 'tricked', 'deceived' or 'got the better of'.
We have been studying the relationship between David and his 3 warrior nephews, who David once exclaimed were 'too hard for him', and on more than one occasion sought to distance himself from.
We too have people and situations in our lives who are too hard for us and so we trust that the Lord might open our eyes to the teaching found in these chapters.
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The occasion for our study this month seems rather strange and is subsequent to events which today would make media headlines:
Prince Amnon assaults and disgraces his half sister, Princess Tamar.
Two years later: Princess Tamar's brother, Prince Absalom, murders Prince Amnon in revenge.
Prince Absalom flees for his life and lives in exile for 3 years.
(You can read about this in 2 Samuel 13 & 14)
King David did not appear to punish his son Amnon whose crime against his sister Tamar according to the Old Testament law was worthy of the death penalty.
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Perhaps as a consequence his son Absalom who shared the same mother as Tamar, decided to take matters into his own hands with the resulting murder of Amnon.
Three years later on from the shock murder of Amnon, David has mourned and been comforted regarding Amnon's death but he 'longs to go forth' to his son Absalom who is in exile (2 Samuel 13:39).
We are next told that Joab, David's middle warrior nephew who is head of his army, notices how David's heart is 'toward' or 'concerned about' Absalom, but instead of directly talking to David about it he fetches a wise woman from Tekoah and asks her to dress in mourning and come to the king.
(It was the custom that people would come to the king whenever they had a difficult matter which needed the king's judgement and decision for the outcome).
The Tekoah woman comes before David and pretends to have been widowed long ago, but tells him she now has another sorrow, her two sons having fought when they were alone out in the fields with nobody around and one killed the other.
She tells David her whole family want to take revenge on the surviving son which would extinguish her heritage and wants David to intervene.
David reassures her that he will take care of the matter for her, that if she has any problems with anybody she should send them to David and promises he will not let the avengers of blood touch a hair of her son's head.
The woman then respectfully asks why the king does not take the same action in regard to his banished son.
After some discourse David seems to realise that this whole story has been a set up and asks,
"Is not the hand of Joab with thee in all this?"
She confesses that Joab had told her everything to say, but as David had already promised safety for the life of the surviving son - his own son Absalom, though he hadn't realised it - he orders for Absalom to be brought back home although he is not welcomed into David's palace.
Joab though, on being told he may go and bring Absalom home, falls down in front of David his face to the ground, thanking him and saying, 'Today thy servant knoweth that I have found grace in thy sight, my lord, O king, in that the king hath fulfilled the request of his servant" (2 Samuel 22:22).
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Isn't this strange?
Is this really the same Joab who would rebel against his king's orders and kill a man, the same Joab who wouldn't mince his words in telling David what he thought and where he should be?
And why did he want Absalom to return? Was it because of his loyalty for his king's welfare and he recognised David's grief was eating away at him or did he have an ulterior motive?
We wonder, did Joab sense that he was risking stepping out of line in such a delicate matter and this was the most subtle way he could think of to deal with it? Or did he think that the only way to get David to agree to Absalom's return would be by manipulating him to agree in an underhand way? He tricked David into promising that the supposed widow's son would not be punished and harmed in any way before applying the circumstances to his own son.
Joab must have known that David did not have the highest regard for him after his actions regarding Abner (see part 2), and perhaps to Joab this agreement to what he was asking regarding Absalom was a sign of the king restoring Joab to favour too.
(We will later see that this was not the case, when the murder of Abner is given as one of the reasons for David's son Solomon to have Joab punished by death when Solomon comes to the throne).
So what can we learn from this interaction between David and Joab? What may God be speaking to us through it?
- David's response
We firstly notice David's response - he graciously accedes to what Joab has requested although he had tricked him into saying it. We do not read of David being angry at being 'played'. We do not really read of what David thought and whether he thought Joab was suggesting the right thing, or if he was relieved that he had promised protection of punishment for Absalom - but Absalom is not welcomed into David's home. Perhaps he felt that Joab had been too clever for him here - he certainly recognised that Joab's hand was behind it, which demonstrates his knowledge of Joab's ways.
It asks the question, how do we behave when people get the better of us? When we are tricked, do we seek revenge, sulk, get angry, laugh, or take the hurt to God in prayer?
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- Our need of God's protection
Secondly, it seems to speak to me of our need for God in all the details of our lives. Setting aside any judgement on David for how he had brought up and treated his sons, it reminds me that these difficult people - these 'sons of Zeruiah' - who are too hard for us to deal with are exactly that!
David had no idea what Joab was rightly or wrongly scheming up; he had no idea what he was agreeing to when he pledged his protection to the wise woman's 'son' - he did however recognise the hand of Joab in it.
It reminds us to fence our days and nights with prayer for God's protection both physically, mentally and emotionally from these hard people:
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When we get up with the day in front of us - do we anticipate that the phone may ring, an email may arrive, or we expect to interact with that person or situation?
Let us pray for God's protection from physical, mental or emotional harm. Let us pray that God will prevent Satan from using that person to harm us if it is God's will. As the Lord Jesus gave us the example in the 'Lord's prayer', let us pray that our Heavenly Father will 'deliver us from evil' (Matthew 6:13).
Let us give all the fear, the anxiety, the anguish, the dread, and the feelings of being overpowered by this difficult person or situation to our Lord Jesus who knows and understands exactly how we feel.
How do we do that?
The only way I know is to be alone - whether in the bathroom, bedroom, on a deserted beach or a secluded garden, and that as I kneel before the Lord I allow myself to feel these feelings in all their intensity - it can bring you to literally groan and cry before the Lord as you open your heart and all it's feelings before Him.
But sometimes even this can feel impossible.
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Our thoughts get so distracted - our heart and Satan are so busy whispering all about the hard situation or person and imagining all that will happen or could happen and what they will say or what we will say and how awful it will be and so forth that it seems we cannot even focus our mind in prayer!
Just keep trying dear friend, keep pouring even that out, tell the Lord the thoughts and feeling which are coming into your mind!
I have recently particularly felt the beautiful words in Romans 8: 26,27:
'the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God'.
We may not know how to express the intensity of our feelings or what we should be praying for. We only know that as believers on the Lord Jesus Christ we have His Spirit living within us, and the dear Holy Spirit can express these feelings for us which our Saviour looks on and understands and prayers to our Father for us.
It is such a relief and comfort to realise that the inadequacies of our prayers and knowing what we should be praying for is all taken care of in the provision of all that God is, as Holy Spirit, Son of God, and Father, who knows what we need before we even ask.
It helps us to 'pour' out our hearts before God. If you 'pour out' your heart to a dear friend or loved one you talk until it is all said and you cry until you feel you have no tears left. You literally pour out all your thoughts and emotions to that person with whom you can 'be yourself with no fear of judgement'.
As you pour out your heart before God you know that He is seeing and hearing you with all the wisdom and knowledge that no dear earthly human friend can give you. You know that He understands - He has created you. You know that He looks on you His child with love, your every life's detail of great concern to Him. As you look up into the skies and see the glory of His creation, the visible illustration of His great power, His ability to help you and take care of you may flow into your heart as you lift yours to Him.
This has often brought me peace, trust and comfort, and sometimes as I remain quietly listening before Him a thought will come which additionally comforts or gives wisdom or direction.
I do find though, that if I start looking at my phone first, or start getting on with the day for too long, I start getting even more caught up and distracted in the events of life and it is even harder to sit quietly before the Lord in prayer and feel that we have the time or focus to pray.
At other times, sometimes as we come before the Lord our hearts are hard or guilty - perhaps we are conscious that we have sinned and we feel that distance between our hearts and our Lord. We try to pour our hearts out to our God but we miss that feeling of His care for us.
Let us not be deceived by unbelieving thoughts that our Saviour no longer cares for us and He will no longer help us in this matter. Perhaps as we read in Isaiah 54:8, 'In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment' but our Saviour has suffered for God's wrath and punishment for our sins, and as the verse continues, 'but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer'.
At these times we need to come before the Lord as David in Psalm 51, 'Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin'.
We want to have - as we are exhorted by the Apostle Paul in Colossians 3:15 - the 'peace of God' ruling 'in our hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful'. How can we go into the day, facing these hard things with that loving gentle and kind Christlike spirit (as Paul writes a few verses earlier), if we have not taken the time to pour out our hearts to the Lord and first been reconciled with Him?
And then of course as we go through the day and enter into those hard things, answer emails, interact with the person or situation or answer the phone let our hearts be continually lifting up to God for His wisdom to guide us in what we say and do, to fill our hearts with His love and kindness, to give us discernment and patience, to protect us from the schemes and demands of others. It only takes a couple of seconds to silently cry, 'Lord help me!' as the phone starts ringing.
And then as we pass through these things and at the end of the day may our hearts be lifted up to the Lord in praise and thanks for how He has brought us through - and if things have gone badly or seem to be worse, may we still be given that spirit of praise and thanks that He is watching over it all and will not let anything go further than is good for the moulding of our hearts to be more like Him. Let us give thanks that as it says in 2 Corinthians 1:5, there is an abundance - an abundance! - of consolation (comfort) in the Lord for us in our suffering.
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- How approachable are we?
Lastly, this reluctance of Joab to speak directly to David about bringing Absalom back home is a reminder for us to examine ourselves for how we respond when others speak to us of difficult things.
Do we fly off the handle, get worked up, make difficult situations even worse, refuse to listen, or because this person is difficult go out of our way to be awkward and resistant?
May we consider this and confess it before our Lord if our own behaviour is exacerbating a difficult situation or person.
To finish then, although we have not been led into the specifics of understanding how Joab and David were interacting here, may we be reminded of our Great God who is our Refuge and Protector from the schemes and manipulations of others and to whom we can pray at all times.
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