The meaning of self-respect for a Christian in today's world. Lessons from David and the sons of Zeruiah. Part 6a.
2 Samuel 3:39
- What is the meaning of self-respect?
A traditional dictionary definition of self-respect tells us that it is:
a 'feeling of respect for oneself showing that you value yourself' (Cambridge Dictionary),
or a 'pride and confidence in oneself, feeling that one is behaving with honour and dignity' (Oxford Languages).
The wisdom of today's modern world now expands this to tell us that:
"Self-respect is the everyday discipline of loving who you are. It is the bedrock of developing self-acceptance and self-love. It's hard, if not impossible, to live a fulfilled, meaningful, and joyous life if you don't respect yourself first" (Judith Zachson quoted in verywellmind.com) .
As a Christian what do you think of this meaning of self-respect?
Keep these thoughts in mind as we delve into our next Bible study on the relationship between King David of Ancient Israel and his warrior nephews (the sons of Zeruiah) who he once described as 'too hard' for him.
*****
So far we have seen how David's nephews challenged him by:
- Tempting him to take matters into his own hands instead of waiting for God to bring about the fulfilment of a promise Part 1
- Treating David with disrespect Part 2
- Perhaps influencing David to let his standards slip Part 3
- Pushing David to do his duty Part 4
- Manipulating David into taking action by a deceptive story Part 5
We now have yet another occasion where their behaviour contrasted with the thoughts and feelings of David - an occasion similar to Part 2 when David's position as king is disrespected, but this time David's nephews are not the ones causing the disrespect. Instead his nephew, Abishai, wants David to have self-respect by allowing Abishai to take action against the offender.
In contrast David responds in humility which looks to God for any exaltation.
We too are faced with situations where we or others may feel we should be given respect because of our position.
Let us learn how this interaction of David and Abishai can apply to our lives as Christians living in a world which tells us we cannot be happy without self-respect.
First, let us set the scene (recorded in 2 Samuel 16 & 19):
In our last lesson we had reached the distressing time when King David's son Absalom, killed his step-brother, Amnon, in revenge for his assault and disgrace of Absalom's sister, Tamar. After Absalom fled into exile, David's nephew Joab, who was the head of his army, used a deceptive ploy to trick David into bringing Absalom back home.
Absalom has now been back at home for some years and has ingratiated himself into the hearts of David's subjects to the extent that many are following him in an uprising against David's throne.
We now have the sad and humbling sight of David, God's appointed King of Israel, fleeing his royal home.
***
"Let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head".
The angry voice of Abishai rises above the clamour and noise.
Rocks, stones and dust are falling all around them.
King David is being shielded from the danger by his loyal mighty warriors who surround him on all sides, but they cannot shield him from the curses being aimed at him.
Perhaps still barefoot, their faces streaked with tears, the great company of people are travelling with urgency from Jerusalem towards the wilderness.
They have not long climbed up and over Mount Olivet and are now passing through the village of Bahurim, home to a man called Shimei who was of the Benjamite tribe of David's predecessor and father-in-law (and yet his deadly enemy, King Saul).
As the great company of soldiers and fleeing inhabitants of Jerusalem arrived at the village, Shimei came out of his house and met them with a stream of curses and accusations aimed at David.
Alternating his curses with throwing stones, rocks and dust he kept pace with them from the hillside above the road, shouting,
"Come out, come out, thou bloody (bloodthirsty) man, and thou man of Belial (an evil man): the LORD hath returned upon thee all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose stead thou hast reigned; and the LORD hath delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom thy son: and behold, thou are taken in thy mischief, because thou art a bloody (bloodthirsty) man".
"Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king?" demands David's nephew Abishai,
"Let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head".
David only needs to give his assent for his brave and loyal nephew to immediately carry out his deadly request, but we don't hear his own anger at such open rebellion towards him from Shimei.
Deep is his sorrow, his heart heavy, perhaps scarcely able to believe at the turn of events - but is he not already seeing the fulfilling of that which was told him by God's prophet, Nathan?
How those words must now echo in his head as trouble upon trouble was arising within his own family.
'Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house because thou hast despised me (God), and taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife...Behold, I will raise up evil (adversity) against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun' ( 2 Samuel 12:10,11).
Was this the time that even as every step took him further from his home, this prophecy sounding in his ears, knowing that his own son and his personal wise counsellor had risen up against him, that the thoughts and feelings of his heart were being guided by the Holy Spirit into poetic verse?
Words of lament to God, words of prayer, which would express the greater suffering of his Lord years later and be wept and prayed by many who treasure the Psalms and could enter into similar experiences:
"Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me. But thou, O LORD, be merciful unto me, and raise me up, that I may requite them" (Psalm 41:9,10).
So David doesn't furiously give his assent to Abishai's request.
Instead he turns to him and all around, and no doubt with deep sorrow and broken heart asks,
"What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah? so let him curse, because the LORD hath said unto him, Curse David. Who shall then say, Wherefore hast thou done so?...
Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? let him alone, and let him curse; for the LORD hath bidden him.
It may be that the LORD will look on mine affliction, and that the LORD will requite me good for his cursing this day".
*****
In this interaction of David with Abishai it seems to me we have an example of the challenges that we too face in understanding the meaning of self-respect as Christians today.
- David vs Abishai
Abishai was behaving as a loyal, protective warrior to his king (and uncle).
He later again requested that Shimei should be punished for his treasonable words because he had 'cursed the LORD's anointed' (2 Samuel 19:21), which was not only an offence against David, but against God himself.
Here is a man who has the king's best interest in his heart.
A man who wanted to protect and defend his king from the untrue accusations, insults and physical assaults which were being hurled at him at a time of such distress and sorrow - a time when it appeared David was surrendering his capital city to his son (although he was doing this to avoid a blood bath).
We might think that David would appreciate the loyal, protective and defensive actions of Abishai.
But as in our previous lessons of David's interactions with his nephews, how often their motivations were misguided, or too harsh or 'too hard' for David. How alien their thoughts and actions seemed to him.
Abishai was in effect saying, 'You should be shown respect. It is your right. You are God's anointed. Don't let this man speak to you like this'.
But David was saying,
'What right have I to demand respect when even my own son is against me? Who am I to stand up to his curses - these curses that God is allowing him to hurl at me?
If anyone is to give me respect may it come from God who is merciful and may return good to me in place of these curses.
I am trusting my God - my God who is great, who there is none like, who has promised undeserved great things for me and my descendants (see 2 Samuel 7).
"Let him do to me as seemeth good unto him" (2 Samuel 15:26)
David whilst not denying that he is God's anointed king is also not so full of pride that he agrees that he deserves to be spoken to with more respect. Instead he has discernment and humility.
He is looking to God to give any honour.
He recognises that he is only king because God made him king. He is submissive to God's will.
He is not looking within himself to feel valued. He puts distance between himself and his nephew, "What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah...?"
Well how does this apply to us as Christians in a modern world?
To be continued next time!
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